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16

Nov

Barack ‘N Roll

I am a break-in-case-of-emergency teacher at a Los Angeles charter school, or as I’m more affectionately referred to: a sub. But I’m not a typical sub; I’m not retired or retar…I’m just not a typical sub.

The kids, 99.9% Mexican (if you count Guatemala, El Salvador, etc), are fascinated with my Italian roots and consider me to be more like “them” than “the white devil.” We have found common ground in things such as soccer, romance languages and Catholic-guilt.

I recently held discussions with the older students regarding the U.S. Presidential Election. This is where things changed. The students wanted to know who I voted for. Fearing I would isolate a child of misguided parents who believed that Romney would fight to add Mexico as the 51st state, I declined to share my political convictions. This led to a barrage of verbal lynchings, where I was accused of voting for “the enemy.” I calmly explained that I wasn’t voting for “the enemy,” because I didn’t view Roseanne Barr as a strong candidate, most because of her singing and public ties to fast-food franchises.

One student told me, “My dad is voting for Romney because he’s going to help get the Mexicans their papers.”  To which I responded, “You’re absolutely right.  If deportation papers are what your family wants, Romney’s they way to go!”

All kidding aside, it scares me how uneducated and misguided many of these immigrant families can be.  If they truly believe that Romney is fighting with their best interest at heart, just imagine the damage they could do at the polls if they rallied around him.  Or don’t imagine it, because most of them aren’t citizens and therefore can’t vote.

12

Nov

How YOU Doin’?

After years of avoidance, like a girl you stood up at prom because she may or may not have been your third cousin, I finally have a blog.  It’s only a matter of time before this thing goes viral and I’m signed by FOX to write How I Met Your American Mother, a green card reality show full of red flags and blue states.

This blog is aptly titled ‘NY Don’t Love You’ because, quite frankly, it doesn’t.  I’ve spent most of my life trying to live up to the ideals set forth by my founding mother and father: life, liberty and the pursuit of good health insurance.  That didn’t work, so now I write this and watch Lifetime movies with my bread-winning wife.

If this first entry is any indication, this blog will serve as a non-partisan forum to discuss pressing geo-political issues and Teen Mom 2.  I hope to inspire others to not write blogs, become vegan or use hashtags.  

Until next time…

#OMG #FF #Obama2012 #RomneyBoys #VeteransDay #BoxingDay #Mexicans #NYC #LA #HurricaneSandy #JerseyShore #Bloomberg #Fatties #SkinnyJeans #Jeggings #Mexicans #Lakers #Yankees #KarlRove #Oprah #YouGetACar #Prius #Hipsters #Hippies #Mormons #Mexicans #ROTFL #LOL #JK #BRB #SMH #STFU #ReplaceArtistNamesWithCheese #LadyGouda #Mexicans

HIGH FIVE!